{"id":147,"date":"2009-01-26T08:28:10","date_gmt":"2009-01-26T14:28:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.parentingzoo.com\/members\/?p=147"},"modified":"2009-01-26T08:28:10","modified_gmt":"2009-01-26T14:28:10","slug":"jelly-mom-column-antelopes-in-the-mail","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/parentingzoo.com\/members\/?p=147","title":{"rendered":"Jelly Mom Column – Antelopes in The Mail"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Front<\/a><\/p>\n

Image via Wikipedia<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\u00a9Lisa Barker<\/em> – Used by Permission<\/em><\/p>\n

It’s antelope season at my house again.\u00a0 Another child has reached the age where he can print and sound out some words so writing letters to Grammy and Auntie are high on his list.\u00a0 So are antelopes.<\/p>\n

“Momma, I need an antelope for my letter.”<\/p>\n

Aw.\u00a0 It takes me back.\u00a0 Little does he know that his older siblings needed antelopes as well or the even more rare ombilope a direct cousin of the antelope.<\/p>\n

Antelopes are fascinating.\u00a0 They have a strip of glue on them that, when wet, makes a perfect seal securing the letter safely inside.\u00a0 Unless you’re a five-year old and drool like a Saint Bernard.<\/p>\n

“Don’t worry.\u00a0 Momma’s got a hair dryer and lots of tape.\u00a0 It’ll dry completely before it reaches Grammy’s.”<\/p>\n

The next step is to cover the back of the antelope with stickers.\u00a0 It doesn’t matter if they are from the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes or if they are Mom’s special stationery stickers, each antelope needs at least three stickers.\u00a0 The more stickers you find on the back of an antelope, the more love there is inside.<\/p>\n

The card inside harkens back to caveman days.\u00a0 There are hieroglyphics of square people with stick legs and a message written in a strange language that, if read from left to write reads:<\/p>\n

I LOV
\nEYOU FROm
\nA TO GRAmmY
\nIDEN<\/p>\n

The best part is running to the mailbox and stuffing your antelopes inside.\u00a0 Now begins the slow agony.\u00a0 Every day for the next week it will be, “Did I get an antelope?”<\/p>\n

“No, not today.\u00a0 Maybe by Friday.”<\/p>\n

“What’s today?”<\/p>\n

“Monday.”<\/p>\n

“Is tomorrow Friday?”<\/p>\n

Sigh.\u00a0 Antelopes come and go.\u00a0 Most of them are from Bill.\u00a0 Why does he keep writing to Momma?\u00a0 She doesn’t like his antelopes very much.<\/p>\n

At last an antelope arrives with my son’s name on it.\u00a0 But he doesn’t tear right in.\u00a0 An antelope from Grammy or Auntie Jenny requires careful dissecting with mom’s antelope opener because we don’t want to accidentally tear any stickers.<\/p>\n

Older Brother enters the room.\u00a0 “What did you get?”<\/p>\n

“I got an antelope from Grammy.\u00a0 If you send antelopes to people, they send antelopes back!”<\/p>\n

“It’s not ‘antelope.’\u00a0 It’s ‘EMBALOPE.’\u00a0 It’s the illiterate leading the illiterate.<\/p>\n

Still this is all good practice.\u00a0 In a few months children will be writing letters to Santa.\u00a0 The older ones will ask for world peace, the middle ones will ask for every high priced item ever conceived by the elves and the youngest will still ask for a lollipop, some cake and a book.<\/p>\n

“If you behave, Santa might send you a letter back.”<\/p>\n

“Does Santa have antelopes?” I can just hear the youngest ask innocently only to be swiftly corrected by an older sibling:\u00a0 “No, Santa has reindeer.”<\/p>\n

LISA BARKER of Greenfield is a syndicated humor columnist and mom of five. Her latest book is “Before I Had Kids I Was A Size 9<\/a>.”\u00a0 See www.JellyMom.com<\/a> for more information.<\/p>\n

\"Reblog<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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