Postpartum Depression – What are some of the signs for you to think about getting help

I’m not sure if you’re watching the news or not (I’m not) about the recent case of a mom with extreme postpartum depression who did the unimaginable. I can’t watch. But I know several people who are watching (and commenting on) every minute of the trial.

It’s tragic. It’s heartbreaking. And while this particular case would be considered extreme, postpartum depression is actually pretty common.

Hormones are interesting, to say the least. And after birth, they generally go haywire, and while there are things you can do to help prevent PPD, most women experience some type of baby blues after birth because of this hormone drop. So while it’s easy to say, “I’m fine. I just get a teary all the time now” it’s good to be aware of some signs where maybe the baby blues are becoming more concerning and worth chatting with someone about.

Husbands, you need to know this list too because often the mom isn’t aware that there’s an issue. Don’t assume your wife is just moody or at a normal level. Keep an eye on her, help her, and suggest she talk with someone else if you have concerns.

While all of these MIGHT be symptoms of normal exhaustion after 9 months of pregnancy, a long birth, and caring for a newborn 24/7, if you find several of these happening at the same time for many many days in a row, you should consider talking to a trusted friend (best if it’s someone who has experience in this too), an older woman who knows you well, or a professional counselor.

1. Crying for no clear reason. Ok, I’ll admit even at grandmother age, I find I can go through seasons of this. And if you’re exhausted, random crying, especially when caring for a fussy baby, can be just a normal part of your day in those early weeks postpartum.
2. Feeling like you’re failing. Again, THIS is perfectly normal, especially if this is your first baby. No matter how many books you read, there’s no way you can prepare for everything this season throws at you. It’s learn by doing time, for sure. And regardless of how many babies you’ve brought into the world, each baby is unique, so there’s a steep learning curve each and every time. You WILL feel like you’re failing.
3. Feeling angry. Yep, here’s another one that can be pretty normal at first. There are SO many emotions mixing with those hormones that this, along with the crying, sadness, might just be normal postpartum recovery. If it’s constant or you find yourself wanting to take that anger out on the baby, it’s definitely time to say, “HELP!”
4. Panic attacks. Believe it or not, this isn’t unusual. Many moms find they’ve got some new fears that never came out before having a little life that’s their responsibility. Sometimes this comes out in dreams (I’m going to fall down the stairs with the baby or drop the baby). But it can also appear as fear of leaving the house because something might happen, etc. If you find you can mentally push yourself beyond some of these fears, make sure you still talk to your partner or a trusted friend about them so they’re aware and can watch for these to cross the line into something more serious.
5. Can’t bond with baby. While some moms need some recovery time to really feel that connection with baby, if this feeling extends beyond the early days postpartum, it’s good to get some help and work it through. Again, some women can push past, love on the baby despite not “feeling it”, and eventually fall in love completely. But as with all of the above, it’s ALWAYS good to bring these concerns to light rather than stuff them in, so those who love YOU can love on you AND baby and watch for any other signs.

Remember, there’s NO shame in asking for help after the birth of your baby. In the days of old, grandmas, aunties, etc., all lived with families and there was built in help for those early days postpartum. And while there was still postpartum depression back then, because there was a built in support system, severe issues could be caught early. We live very isolated lives which makes it really hard, even if you’re not experiencing any postpartum feelings or sadness.

So regardless, if you’re still pregnant, get your tribe to organize a meal train for you for the weeks postpartum. Set dates to get out of the house once you’ve recovered. Ask your mom or a trusted sister or friend to check in with you regularly to ask “how are you doing?” – and push past the generic “oh I’m fine”! Give them permission to press you if you’re being vague. You and your baby deserve that sweet support. And you’ll be thankful you set it up in advance!

Annette Yen, the Oma Doula is a birth and bereavement doula as well as a Perinatal Patient Advocate in the Northwest Suburbs of Chicago. You can follow her online at www.omadoula.com or on Instagram at @omabirthdoula.