Recently, while on vacation, the kids and I spied a
little shop called Sin Sations.

Fresh baked donuts immediately sprang to mind and I
drove over, but for the life of me I could not
reconcile what I saw with the vision of glazed goodies
dancing in my wee brain. Sin Sations is an adult
shop and has nothing to do with bear claws and

I’m not as worldly as I thought. Not by a long shot.
Then, the kids started asking questions.

“Ma, what’s that shop?”

“It’s not appropriate.”

“It says ‘toys’.”

“Yes, but not for kids.”

“What is sex?”

“Who wants a Happy Meal?” At least I know I can count
on what I anticipate when I see golden arches.

Which reminds me…recently, the kids and I were gift
buying and my son and I stepped into a shop with
flashy lights, lava lamps and t-shirts with attitude
in the window. We couldn’t see the other items they
offered until we stepped inside.

My son quickly announced that the store was not
appropriate for us. A father of three little ones had
reached the same conclusion and was quickly leading
his children back out the door.

Once outside my son asked, “Did you see that one

Was that all he saw? Thank you, God, for that!
“Isn’t there a McDonald’s around here?” I asked,
falling back on my tried and true change of topic.

It’s getting so that I look for the golden arches as
my savior for these types of situations. And it must
be rubbing off on the kids.

Flipping through the television stations the other
night a very inappropriate ad for wild young people
appeared and was quickly changed. And, like Pavlov’s
dog, all the kids piped up: “Can we get a McFlurry?”

You know what this means, don’t you?

It means I’m going to be spending a whole lot of money
at McDonald’s as the kids mature. For some there are
the birds and bees. For me, it’s double
cheeseburgers and milkshakes.

Once upon a time Dad and Mom met at McDonald’s and we
ordered two double quarter-pounders with cheese…and,
because we loved each other very much, they gave us
five little cheeseburgers to boot!

I’m sure that lesson will be clear as ketchup.

Seriously, though, the kids already know where
cheeseburgers come from. They also know all about
condiments, too, thanks to Health Ed.

I just want them to wait until they find a good
corn-fed patty on a wholesome whole-grain bun before
they start thinking about making cheeseburgers. And
I think they will. Thanks to my analogies, the older
ones will never look at a cheeseburger the same again.

. . . . . . . . . . .
Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five
and author of “Just Because Your Kids Drive You
Insane… Doesn’t Mean You Are A Bad Parent!” and is
syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent.
To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments,
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