“Mom, he’s touching me!” If you have more than one child, you’ve probably heard that statement or something very similar. If you’re wondering “why do my kids fight,” it might help to know it’s not just yours. In fact, you might wonder what the matter was if they didn’t fight. Here are some common reasons why siblings have arguments:

Sibling rivalry

Sibling rivalry is often the source of much fighting between brothers and sisters. It may start before the new child is born because the older child already feels like their place in the family is threatened. The main reason why children fight is that they feel the need to compete for your attention and they may seriously resent having to share you with someone new. As your children get older, the fighting may continue but you can be assured they do love one another despite the tension.

Different temperaments

You know no two children are alike, even twins, so your children’s different temperaments may be part of the cause of their fighting. One child may be laid back while the other is overly dramatic. You may have one that’s clingy with your or your partner while the other is independent and wants to try everything on their own. The difference in their temperaments may cause resentment. For example, the child who is clingy may seem to get more of their parent’s attention, which in turn leads to disagreements.

Different personalities

Similarly, personality differences may also be part of the reason your children fight. Your outgoing, rambunctious child may need a friend to pal around with. If your other child is more studious, there are going to be personality clashes. Try to encourage your children to meet in the middle and do activities both will enjoy.

Jealousy

Quite often jealousy is the biggest reason children fight. One feels they don’t have the attention of their parents like their sibling, so they feel the need to fight for attention and affection. Of course, you can tell your children that you don’t have a favorite until you can’t speak anymore, but jealousy is a strong emotion to overcome.

Competition for parent’s attention

It is possible that your children feel the need to compete for your attention. To combat this tendency, and make for a more peaceful home, you might want to plan special “dates” for each child. Depending upon the number of children you have, you could plan one day a month that you or your partner spends a specific amount of time with just one child. Switch up where your partner takes the rest of the children while you go someplace with one. Be sure each child has their own “date” time with either you or your spouse so they don’t feel slighted. It may reduce the fights right away.

What can you do when your children fight? Set ground rules about disagreements long before you’re faced with children fighting. Be sure they know hitting and calling names is not allowed; anyone doing these things will face pre-determined consequences.

If possible, don’t get involved unless you think there might be bodily injury. Intervening may create other problems and your children won’t learn the important skill of conflict resolution. Wait and see how they’re able to work out their problems on their own. You might be surprised at the solutions they come up with.

Children are going to have conflicts; it’s inevitable. When you ask yourself or others “why do my kids fight?” remember it’s part of growing up. They’re learning to stand up for themselves, express themselves, and further develop their personalities.