Adoption – Part 2 -What You Need to Know before Adopting

Adopting a child is an exciting and wonderful event. The process will go a lot more smoothly if you prepare yourself with knowledge about how adoption works before you begin. Here are some things to keep in mind as you consider the adoption process.

* Open, semi-open and closed adoptions

This is the most important decision you will make as you begin the adoption process.

In an open adoption, an adopted child can maintain contact with his birth parents. An open adoption includes letters, emails, phone calls, and personal visits. It can be helpful for the child’s sense of wholeness and healing to be in contact with his birth parents, but this depends on the situation and lifestyles of the biological parents, of course.

As the adoptive parents, it is your decision as to whether you will allow open contact, but it should be a child-focused decision. It’s not about your convenience or preference; it’s about what is best for the adopted child.

Semi-open adoptions limit but do not prohibit the contact the adopted child can have with her birth parents. Generally, semi-open adoptions include receiving written correspondence and gifts from the biological parents, but no personal visits or phone calls.

Closed adoptions mean no contact is allowed between the adopted child and her birth parents.

* Domestic adoptions

Domestic adoptions, or adopting a child from your own country, can mean a long wait. Also, babies and children up for adoption in the United States tend to have behavioral or physical problems, which may or may not be an issue for a prospective adoptive parent. It is easier to obtain the medical history of the child in a domestic adoption, however.

The cost of domestic adoptions varies according to state, but generally they include an application fee, attorney fees, psychiatric and physical examinations for parents, and supervision after the adoption. These and any other costs or fees as per your state range in cost from $5000 to $40,000.

* International adoptions

Almost always closed, international adoptions are comparable in cost to domestic adoptions, averaging between $7000 and $30,000. This does not include travel, however. Overall, international adoptions are faster, but obtaining details about the child such as his medical history can be almost impossible.

* Adopting through the foster system

By far the least expensive way to adopt (averaging between $0-$2500), adopting through the foster system is a viable means of adopting a child. However, adoptive parents have less choice in the age, race, gender, and other particulars regarding the child they want to adopt.

Understanding how the process works and the variables involved go a long way in facilitating the adoption process.

Why Do My Kids Fight

“Mom, he’s touching me!” If you have more than one child, you’ve probably heard that statement or something very similar. If you’re wondering “why do my kids fight,” it might help to know it’s not just yours. In fact, you might wonder what the matter was if they didn’t fight. Here are some common reasons why siblings have arguments:

Sibling rivalry

Sibling rivalry is often the source of much fighting between brothers and sisters. It may start before the new child is born because the older child already feels like their place in the family is threatened. The main reason why children fight is that they feel the need to compete for your attention and they may seriously resent having to share you with someone new. As your children get older, the fighting may continue but you can be assured they do love one another despite the tension.

Different temperaments

You know no two children are alike, even twins, so your children’s different temperaments may be part of the cause of their fighting. One child may be laid back while the other is overly dramatic. You may have one that’s clingy with your or your partner while the other is independent and wants to try everything on their own. The difference in their temperaments may cause resentment. For example, the child who is clingy may seem to get more of their parent’s attention, which in turn leads to disagreements.

Different personalities

Similarly, personality differences may also be part of the reason your children fight. Your outgoing, rambunctious child may need a friend to pal around with. If your other child is more studious, there are going to be personality clashes. Try to encourage your children to meet in the middle and do activities both will enjoy.

Jealousy

Quite often jealousy is the biggest reason children fight. One feels they don’t have the attention of their parents like their sibling, so they feel the need to fight for attention and affection. Of course, you can tell your children that you don’t have a favorite until you can’t speak anymore, but jealousy is a strong emotion to overcome.

Competition for parent’s attention

It is possible that your children feel the need to compete for your attention. To combat this tendency, and make for a more peaceful home, you might want to plan special “dates” for each child. Depending upon the number of children you have, you could plan one day a month that you or your partner spends a specific amount of time with just one child. Switch up where your partner takes the rest of the children while you go someplace with one. Be sure each child has their own “date” time with either you or your spouse so they don’t feel slighted. It may reduce the fights right away.

What can you do when your children fight? Set ground rules about disagreements long before you’re faced with children fighting. Be sure they know hitting and calling names is not allowed; anyone doing these things will face pre-determined consequences.

If possible, don’t get involved unless you think there might be bodily injury. Intervening may create other problems and your children won’t learn the important skill of conflict resolution. Wait and see how they’re able to work out their problems on their own. You might be surprised at the solutions they come up with.

Children are going to have conflicts; it’s inevitable. When you ask yourself or others “why do my kids fight?” remember it’s part of growing up. They’re learning to stand up for themselves, express themselves, and further develop their personalities.

Five Time Management Strategies for Single Parents

Another great guest post!

Single parents try to be both father and mother to their children. The other parent may be out of the picture due to many reasons, such as military deployment, divorce, or death. But no matter what the reason, it’s important for single parents to learn to manage their time wisely. If you are a single parent, these five time management strategies may help you get more time for your children and for yourself.

Create a central calendar

Think about the activities you and your children are involved in that require you to be out of the home. Placing these items on a central calendar that can be viewed by everyone will help you know when you have to take the children for practices or to visit their other parent if you are divorced.

You may want to use color coding to make your calendar more functional. By assigning each person a color, everyone will be able to see when activities are planned and whether there is room to add another. Having a central calendar will also help you learn to say “no” when you simply can’t fit anything else in your day.

Ask for help

You’re only one person so don’t feel bad if you have to ask for help. If the ex-spouse is involved in your children’s life, be sure they are helping when necessary. You can also ask from help from the grandparents, aunts and uncles, or friends if there are two activities planned for the same time. You can’t be in two places at once, so you’ll need help if you don’t want to let one child’s activity slide.

Do your best to be organized

Besides having a central family calendar, it helps to be organized in your home so you can easily find items that are needed. If your child is always losing their homework, designate a special place for their book bag at the end of the day. Then go through their assignments to ensure they’re done and returned to the book bag before your child retires.

Having an in-box for papers you need to sign for your child will also help you be more organized. You can also immediately transfer any important dates onto the family calendar so you don’t forget about them.

Delegate to others

Your children may be without one of their parents but that doesn’t give them a free pass for helping around the house. Asking and expecting your children to help you may seem like two totally different things, but it’s important for your children to pitch in with household chores. Not only will they help you, which will make you less stressed, but they’ll also be learning life skills they’ll need when they strike out on their own.

Learn to say “No”

This one tip, saying “no,” may seem like an obvious time management tip you can follow as a single parent. However, many single parents have a hard time telling anyone no, especially their children. You’re not doing anyone any favors by saying “yes” to every request, though; in fact, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice. You’re allowing all of your time dictated when you need time to take care of your own needs as well.

No one doubts that single parents have a more difficult time than dual parent homes. These five time management strategies for single parents can be used with good results. Not only will you be more organized, you’ll also be able to take much-needed time to meet your own needs as well as those of your children.

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